How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
