Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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