I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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