You work out of a Hotel?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
