I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
