she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
