Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
