My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize