what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
