Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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