honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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