Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
