i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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