Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
