Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
