Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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