Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
