oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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