the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
