My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
