Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
