My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
