guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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