I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
