I am puke
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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