I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
