have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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