There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
