i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
