Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
