My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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