I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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