even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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