I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
