GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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