maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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