I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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