now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
