Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
