So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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