so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
