You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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