I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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