i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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