Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize