The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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