5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
We were destined to go to rehab together
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.