Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?