There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year