It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
