i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize