Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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