Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
