There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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