I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i came on her dog
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
