She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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