Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
