I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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