Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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