I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
