Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
