She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
