Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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