Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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