I wish I could punch you in the face.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
