The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
